Voices (revised)

I sit here, all alone, in my own peaceful, sacred grove and I cannot help but think of Joseph Smith. The words come to my head, “Oh, how lovely was the morning. Radiant beamed the sun above.” This morning, too, is very beautiful.

The air smells of the earth and the fall shades of orange, red and yellow surround me. In the background I hear the continuous running of the water and the splattering, too, as it reaches the bottom of the river. The sun shines on me and I feel its warmth. I look up and I am blinded by its rays. It reminds me of the pillar of light that Joseph saw, so many years ago.

I long to have Joseph Smith’s unwavering faith and strong devotion to the gospel. Inner thoughts prompt me to “get with the program”. They plead me to live the gospel, that I love so dearly and know is true. Then as if someone where speaking directly to me, I hear, “Why do you stay in idleness, motionless in this life? Your father in Heaven longs to be with you. He longs to hear your prayers. He longs to comfort you and help you at this special time of your life. It sorrows him when you push yourself away from Him.” It brings sorrow to me too.

I speak to myself saying, “Brittney, you’ve been there or have you forgotten? Don’t you remember the darkness, the loneliness and the sorrow? It was unbearable. It was as if all happiness cease to exist.” I promised myself, many years ago, that I would never go back and I haven’t, but I’ve yet to move forward.

“What’s holding you back? Why do you linger? You know that now is the time to move on. Life is moving forward without you. If you don’t act fast now, it will pass by, with you standing on the sidelines.” “Let go of the pain, the anger and the guilt,” I cry. “How else are you to be the person that you long to be in order to move forward with life? How else are you to posses that faith and devotion like Joseph Smith?”

The voices continue, some from within, others from somewhere else. Nevertheless, both speak to me and I know what I must do.