The Seed of Humility: Final Blog

The blaring sun penetrated my freshly tanned skin as I swaggered across campus. Not bothering to step aside for underclassmen, it was finally my turn to take advantage of the senior rank and privileges, and I thought it was going to be the best year ever. Little did I know that in spite of my confidence, my senior year was not going to be as picture perfect as I had dreamed.

What is a quest? What factors inspire individuals to devote their energy and soul to a specific pursuit? Well, that is exactly what I learned this semester. I’ve come to realize that my life is like the transformation of a single seed into a beautiful flower.

Just like the flower, I lived life to the fullest during the Summer, casting away all cares and strife. Anticipating the thrill and accomplishment I would bask in upon achieving my collegiate goals. It was during this time of bliss and arrogance that I was complacent; I should have been constantly preparing and improving myself each day. Instead, I ignorantly allowed dangerous weeds to start to entangle and ensnare me.

Suddenly, the first storm of Fall hit me like a chilling frost. My senior year started, but definitely not the way I thought it would. As a Violin Performance Major, it’s a common occurrence to audition and compete for position and rank among my peers; yet, my complacency during the Summer greatly affected my performance. Also, as a first time mom, the stage of “morning sickness” was more like the 24 hour flu – for two and a half months. Thus, these factors put an even greater strain on my abilities to perform at school, church, and home.

Sitting in the bleakness of Winter, I let an icy tear tremble down my face. Why was this happening to me? Why now, my final year of college? Feeling absolutely alone, with no one to turn to, I felt like giving up. Degraded to my very roots, I had nothing left to give. Over time, I became humbled and realized who truly gives life to my roots and helps me become beautiful – Christ. Christ is always there for me even when I am the weakest. He gave me the strength I needed to hope for the Spring. Christ knew how to help, lead, guide, and support me through trials because he overcame every December. It is only through Christ that we can even hope for Spring. With meekness, and fully devoting my very roots to Christ, I was reborn as I humbly entered the Spring.

As my newly rejuvenated life was budding, I still relied on Christ to sustain me through my instability. Blessings from Heaven poured down upon me giving me nourishment as I searched the scriptures and held meaningful prayers. One of the greatest blessings that I received was the reassurance of the Holy Ghost. While anxiously seeking comfort through the scriptures I was lead to Doctrine and Covenants 78:17-18

Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

What joy and peace that scripture brought my soul; Christ truly knew exactly what I needed, and He was there to strengthen me. Over time, as I worked diligently to turn my life and efforts to Christ, I bloomed into a beautiful flower. It was in my weakest time that I turned to Christ, and he enabled me to transform my weakness into my greatest strength.

Going through this rejuvenating process, I came to understand what my quest was this semester. Both my spiritual and intellectual quests were intertwined, and as I aspired to progress in one area the other was equally improved. When I truly thought about this being my last year of college, I knew that I wanted to get the most out of my education as possible. I devoted myself to practice longer, study harder, and always do my very best. It seemed like being sick would get in the way of my pursuit, but that is where my spiritual quest balanced the weight. Through the burden of sickness, I have grown closer to the Lord and my growing baby girl. The brethren have stated that pregnant women go through pain and trials which are the closest experience on earth that can be compared to the intense pain that Christ suffered during His great sacrifice. What an amazing blessing for me to have the opportunity to be so intimately close to the Lord! I was constantly striving to become as Christ like as possible through devotion, scripture study, and prayer.

Now, even though the white snow is fluttering to the frozen ground, I am not in the Winter of my life. Because of my quests, my hard work and dedication paid off. I was promoted partly through the year to a higher position in the orchestra, and my health is strong and I can almost eat whatever I want :-). The sun is shining, and because of a humble seed, my Spring flower is beautiful through Christ, the Lord.