Spiritual Quest

"Through Heavens Eyes"

To exemplify my spiritual quest I chose the phrase, "Look at your life Through heaven's eyes," from the song lyrics from the Prince of Egypt. For as we look at our lives through heavens eyes, we see the purpose of our trials more clearly and more clearly our true value.

I was born in Santa Clara County Hospital on December 26, 1984. I spent most of my childhood living in Napa Valley, California. Growing up I spent time living with both my mother and my father who separated when I was four years old. I lived with my father on weekends, who took me to church on Sundays; and my mother on weekends, who was not an active member of the church.

When I finished elementary school, my life took a bad turn. My father moved away and, having a lack of fatherly support, I struggled making the transition from elementary school to junior high. I struggled both socially and in school. Toward the end of my junior high years, my mother began to have financial difficulties. She ended up losing her home, so I moved in with my father in Palo Alto who I had scarcely seen in 3 years.

While these times seemed difficult to me, and I didn't understand why I needed to go through such things, I found that these experiences set the stage for my further spiritual progression. When I moved in with my Father, I went to church for a while. Though I wasn't terribly interested in religion at the time, this move put me in an environment that exposed me to the gospel.

High school was a difficult time. I had trouble getting along with my Father, I didn't excel in school, I didn't have a lot of friends. During this time, my life seemed pretty meaningless. I got up in the morning, sometimes, went to school on occasion. These times were difficult, but the experiences sent me into important introspection. I began to ponder on the purpose of life which better prepared me to receive the fullness of the gospel later.

My senior year in high school, I was finally instilled with a desire to change my life. My friends were all going off to college while I was left without much hope. During this time I began to search for spiritual knowledge. I asked myself what I wanted in life. I decided I wanted a family, I wanted a good life, but I had idea how to get it. I received a visit from the local priest quorum adviser. He invited me to read the Book of Mormon and pray to know if it was true. I'll admit, I didn't read the Book of Mormon, but I did attend church, and I did pray to find out if there was a god. A week later, I received a strong confirming whiteness that there was a God. The experience changed my life drastically.

Life is But a Weaving
Benjamin Malachi Franklin

"My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft' times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not 'til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned"

After the spirit witnessed to me, I was able for the first time to see my life, and my experience, at least in part, the way that my Heavenly Father saw. I saw that the dark threads of adversity had set the stage fore my conversion.

Though I had more knowledge after my conversion experience, and have continued to gain knowledge since, my spiritual quest has not changed very much. I strive to "Look at [my] life through heavens eyes." Now it's not so much looking back at it is looking forward. As I go through the day I strove to better understand what the Savior would do if he were in my situation. All my successes, and all my trials, I try to look at from a heavenly perspective, or eternal perspective as we often call it. As I look at my life with this perspective see my successes as a time for gratitude, and my trials as a time to grow and turn more fully to the Lord.

"A single thread in a tapestry-
Though its color brightly shine-
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design.

"And the stone that sits on the very top
Of the mountain's mighty face-
Does it think it's more important
Than the stones that form the base?

"So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life,
Look at your life through heaven's eyes.

"A lake of gold in the desert sand
Is less than a cool fresh spring-
And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy
Is greater than the richest king.
If a man lose ev'rything he owns,
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?

"So how do you measure the worth of a man-
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave?
The answer will come,
The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through heaven's eyes."