I was tired and it was late, well at least too late to just be getting done with what seemed like a very long day of school. My steps were slow and not decided. The pavement at my feet my only marker of where I was headed. A tiny breeze blew and there was hardly a cloud in the sky as the sun made the evening color dance across it. The backpack rubbing against my spine was a constant reminder of the many papers and books that seemed to chain me to a non-social existence.
I was so involved with my cares that I barely noticed the music starting to play. It sounded distant, but the song was easily recognizable. My pace slowed as I came upon some other lingering students. They were motionless. All of them statues face north towards something that I could not see. They reverently had their hands placed on their hearts. I followed their lead, still quite confused as to what we were staring at. As I stood there I watched the students’ faces that were around me. A lot of them looked like they were in a state of deep pondering.
As soon as the sweet melody died down I decide that I must find out what we were all staring at. I rounded the corner of the closet building to find the flag, gently playing with the breeze. It hit me right then and there. The students showed so much respect for our flag and anthem. They stopped and listened. It was almost as if someone at pressed to pause button, But even more so, it impressed me that the students, paused and showed absolute respect. I thought about this as I went on my way, grateful for the chance to come to a place such as this.
5 comments:
Thank you for recording this moment of community and reverence. I like the narrative presentation. You are telling a story as you describe your observations of this particular incident. Were you coming out of a building or finishing work? I like the simile of someone pressing a pause button. I think there's typo to fix in that phrase when you revise or expand the piece. This would make a fine introduction for a larger essay on "love of country" or such.
I really appreciated this post as I have been pondering on our country this commemorative week of 9/11. I have had a similar experience and appreciate the reverence that people have shown. I especially liked the opening to your post that described student life here on campus. I think that it would be neat to evolve your observation into a possible "profile of campus life" and show how sometimes the daily shuffle gets in the way of important moments like the one you had (if you wanted to make this post bigger). That was what really struck me about it.
This piece really hit home for me, as I too have been doing a lot of reflection during this week of 9-11. It truly is endearing and pride-inspiring to see your fellow students showing such love and respect towards our great country, and you were able to capture this feeling in your writing. I loved the details you included in the beginning of your piece, the backpack rubbing and the evening color made this easy to relate to.
There was a phrase that confused me, but I think it's just because of a typo - "All of them statues face north towards something that I could not see."
This is a very good composition. I really enjoyed it.
It evolves from a daily experience to an unusual sacred one, which I find to be enjoyable. Just one thing brought a smile to my face when I learned that you were just following the example of others without knowing what was the source of such contemplation. It says good things about you in tespecting some other students' feelings, but it also shows you trusted your own heart.
I love your descriptions of the situation. Talking about the same subject, you varied your descriptions to make it interesting instead of boring: the students were statues and someone pressed the pause button. Well done!
I like the description in the first paragraph, but is it all necessary? I feel like you could have gotten to the meat of the story earlier: it felt disconnected from the second and third paragraphs. I like Ashley's suggestion--evolve the profile of campus life and the daily shuffle and how it gets in the way so that the two ideas (and paragraphs) are more closely connected.
Thank you for this fresh perspective.
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