It’s a bright and sunny and not a cloud is in sight this Regional Conference morning. After several minutes of walking through the busy crowd I take my seat on a hard bench. I take a glance around and my eyes don’t know where to begin to focus. People are moving back and forth, up and down the aisles trying to find seats. Several yards away, cameramen are positioning their cameras getting ready to air. The choir takes their seat, holding their music sheets. The girls are dressed in white and the boys in black suits. In the background, if you try really hard to listen, you can hear the prelude music, but mostly you just hear the hundreds of voices inside Marriot Center. Then all of a sudden, as if someone turned down the volume, the room is dead silent, as the Brethern take their seats.
As the conference progresses all I can concentrate is on how the stiff bench is and how it becomes more and more uncomfortable by the second. I sit there squished. No matter how many times I change my position, nothing works. I cannot concentrate on the speaker because of the distractions all around. There is too much to going on to direct my attention on just one thing.
Boyd K. Packer is speaking now. His kind voice is calming. I look at him and see his white hair and wrinkles and can’t help but think of my Grandpa. I wonder where he is and what he is doing. I wonder what he thinks of me. Is he proud of me?
Brother Packer tells a joke and the crowd breaks out in laughter. Obviously I wasn’t paying attention. I think to myself, I should be listening. I look around and see others not paying attention too. Some are playing with their cell phones, some looking around the huge room, and some rubbing each others backs, yuck! Brother Packer is now saying something about Indians. It’s funny because sometimes I feel a sense of pride when the topic comes up, but sometimes I forget that I am Navajo. It’s not until I catch a reflection of myself that I see that I am different…
4 comments:
Hi Brittney,
I really enjoyed reading your observation piece. It was very fun and light-hearted, but at the same time descriptive enough for me (as the reader) to visualize what the atmosphere would have been like if I too was there in person. For example, your description about Elder Packard was very detailed.
I think you observed well and really did put on paper the thoughts that sprang into your mind ("rubbing each other's backs, yuck!"). :)
If you wanted to develop this piece even further you could possibly describe how the performances went and what the performers looked like etc.
Overall, a great observation monologue!
You have a good eye for detail. Don't worry -- my mind had wandered when Elder Packer spoke, so I also missed his funny comment that made the congregation laugh. Were all the Sisters invited to wear white? I would like to know more about that. I would also like to know more about your grandfather. Who is your audience in this piece and what do you really want them to learn? See what happens when you follow the comparison between Elder Packer and your grandfather.
Great descriptions. I like that even though you were describing this place, you weren't rigidly focused. I think that gives the reader a better idea of what it really would have been like to be there. I think your description of missing the joke is more interesting than it would have been if you had just told us the joke. Great job!
I agree with Dr. Hallen. Consider developing the comparison between Elder Packer and your grandfather. I thought that was an interesting point that you didn't delve into enough. Or consider following the idea you had at the end: I think you could have taken "It’s not until I catch a reflection of myself that I see that I am different…" farther and given us a great observation there too.
Great job overall. I really enjoyed your descriptions.
Hey Brittney,
I really like your writing. Your description of the Marriott center really is what I think everytime I go (Those seats really are hard!). I like how you wrote about exactly what you were thinking and how you followed your mind wandering even though it wasn't always focused on the conference speaker.
I found a few grammatical errors that you would probably pick up by reading through it one more time. One is in the first sentence and the other is towards the end. They are small, but its always good to fix those. The only other thought I had was about your feelings about certain things. Like when you saw all the people not paying attention, how did you feel? Were you bothered by that or not really? How did you feel when President Packer reminded you of your dad? Just some questions that came to mind.
Other than that it was wonderful and I kinda wish I had been there to see it. Thanks Brittney!
Colin
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