Walking up the chipped cement steps, I see the friendly welcome sign on the front door inviting me in. As soon as the door cracks open, the aroma of the buttery homemade rolls seeps into every fiber of my body. My mouth immediately starts to salivate as I make my way towards the soft milling of voices in the distance. As I turn the corner, the heat from the oven hits me like a brick wall. Steam steadily slithers upwards from the simmering concoction on the stove.
On the other side of the scented kitchen, my dad and brothers are busily cutting up ripe, juicy, and colorful fruit. Suddenly, there is a loud crack as my dad forces the two dripping halves of the perfect watermelon apart. Jokingly, my brothers tease each other and laugh enthusiastically as they work side by side.
Mom brilliantly oversees the preparations like a captain aboard his ship; giving loving and experienced orders to all in the kitchen. In the distance, I can hear the faint music from the Disney movie, Aladdin playing in the next room. My youngest brother’s small, whiney voice singing along in youthful exuberance.
Taking in all of the beauty around me, I notice the colors of the vibrant carrots, the deep broccoli, and the clean cauliflower perfectly off set the bright fruit creating a rainbow of colors. Turning my head, the gleaming sun cast rays of light onto the elegantly set dining table. Cloth napkins are intricately folded and small beads of water cascade down the foggy ice water glasses.
Although the kitchen is too crowded with helping hands, it is obvious that this family finds extreme joy and satisfaction in working together.
4 comments:
Hi Ashley,
This was a great observation piece. I too started salivating when I was reading about all the great food your family was preparing!
I really liked how detailed you were in your writing and how you emphasized your senses when describing things, such as the "loud crack" of the watermelon and the "aroma of buttery rolls". This approach worked really well in relation to the setting you observed.
As a reader I was able to follow and visualize what you saw at every turn of a corner, and even though there would have been so much more to see along your path you chose specific focus points which allowed your piece to flow really well.
Great job!
Great descriptions. I love the alliteration in the last line of the first paragraph. The vivid details of the smells and sights you are experiencing are entrancing, and you make great connections (specifically, comparing your mom to a captain of a ship--I could totally picture that!).
I think the ending could have been stronger. It really is obvious that this family finds extreme joy and satisfaction in working together (and that's a good thing--it means you did a good job describing the scene), so you almost didn't even have to say it. I feel like the fact that you did say it makes it less powerful in a way.
Great job taking the reader on this simple but poignant journey with you.
The buttery rolls reminded me of Sister Monson Dibbs talk in Regional Conference. Your observations of home have the aroma of the "real thing." The tone is light but not "flaky." The details are savory but not overdone. What is your plan for this piece? Have you shared it with your family? This would make a good FHE letter/email to the folks.
Hey Ashley,
I just finished reading your post and honestly, I am really hungry. You gave excellent descriptions of all the food in the kitchen and it really made me think of my family and being home for sunday dinners. I thought you used very good adjectives throughout the piece and a lot of really effective descriptions.
The only advisory thought I had was that you used all your senses except touch. I know you didn't HAVE to use all of them, but what were you feeling at the time? Was your stomach feeling as empty as mine is now? Just a thought.
I really enjoyed it though. It gave me a sincere peek into your family. Thanks Ashley!
Colin
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