Voices

I sit here, all alone, in my own peaceful, sacred grove and I cannot help but think of Joseph Smith. The words come to my head, “Oh, how lovely was the morning? Radiant beamed the sun above.” This morning, too, is very beautiful. The air smells of the earth, the fall shades of orange, red and yellow are all around. In the background I hear the continual running of the water splattering to the bottom of the river.
The sun shines on me and I feel its warmth. I look up and I am blinded by its rays. I am reminded of the pillar of light that Joseph saw. I long to have his unwavering faith and his strong devotion to the gospel.

My mind tells me to get with the program. It pleads me to live the gospel that I love and know is true. Then as if someone where speaking directly to me, I hear, “Why do you stay in idleness, motionless in this life? Your father in Heaven longs to be with you. He longs to hear your prayers. He longs to comfort you and help you at this special time of your life. It sorrows him when you push yourself away from Him.” It sorrows me too.

I speak to myself saying, “Brittney, you’ve been there or have you forgotten? Don’t you remember the darkness, the loneliness and the sorrow? It was unbearable. It was as if all happiness cease to exist”. I promised myself I would never go back and I haven’t, but I’ve yet to move forward also.

“What’s holding you back? Why do you linger, stuck in limbo? You know that now is the time to move on. Life is moving forward without you. If you don’t act fast now, it will pass by, with you standing on the sidelines.” “Let go of the pain, the anger and the guilt,” I cry. “How else are you to be the person that you will be for the rest of your life? How else are you to posses that faith and devotion of Joseph Smith?”