" The man who is unwilling to accept the axiom that he who chooses one path is denied the others must try to persuade himself, I suppose, that the logical thing to do is to remain at the crossroads."
-dag hammarskjold
My biggest downfall in life has always been remaining at the crossroads. We do it in dating. I do it in dating, anyway. You probably do it as well, I'd bet. If I bet. Which I don't. But if I did I would have $75 to collect from my high school english teachers since I didn't get married after my freshman year at BYU. I thought they knew me better than that. I thought a lot of things.
Perhaps that is what keeps me at the crossroads. I think. I was telling Cindy today about a question that a group of my friends asked and aswered the other night. It was, "if you could go back in time and give anything to your 8-year-old self, what would it be?" Think, I thought. What would it be? The jury was out. The circle went the other direction. Lia said something profound, which reminded me why I love her so much as a friend while it made me wish I didn't go directly after her. Sort of like in sunday school when we were talking about trials and someone raised their hand and said they were grateful for health as they'd struggled with cancer this summer. Next? Beuhller?
Anyway, my gift to my 8-year-old self was a sense of reckless abandon. That may sound odd to a lot of people, but I was in dire need of one. I still am.
I practiced today by running down the mountain.
(I still stopped on the corners.)
I am afraid to make decisions I can't un-make. Like death. And marriage. But they still need to be made.
2 comments:
I like the conversational style of the piece, like you are confiding in the reader/audience. Emotional honesty is one of your strengths. I can't follow the context for some of the names and allusions to others. By the way, I finished the Alchemist. It was great. But the Polaroid picture of you is priceless.
I like the persona, conversational style of your writing. It's nice and familiar, while still conveying interesting, insightful, important information. You make thinking sound bad, though, and reckless abandon sound good. Is that really the case? Maybe you just need to find the middle ground between thinking and feeling. Do you have any ideas on how to get yourself moving forward through those crossroads?
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