Driving home to visit my little nephew, for the first time, seemed like forever. The minutes crept by slowly and I was sure that it was never going to happen. The longer we drove, the farther my destination became. The road stretched longer and longer and I become more and more anxious. The six hour trip had turned into a seven hour trip. If only we hadn’t made so many stops. Finally after much anticipation, my friends and I arrived at my house in New Mexico, The Land of Enchantment. It was dark and a little chilly outside. The night sky was covered with clouds, but the stars were still shining brightly. While mumbling, “I’ll be right back,” I raced up the stairs, leaving my friends behind in the car. The pathway stairs up to the house wasn’t lit and I was careful not to trip. I eagerly rang the door bell several times consecutively. Ring, ring, ring. It must have been annoying to those inside. Peeking through the door window, I saw my parents, with big smiles on their faces. They opened the door and without hesitation, I asked “Where is he?”
“He’s sleeping,” my mother responded. Then, from out of the dark hallway came my sister holding the most precious thing I have ever seen in my life. She gently handed him to me and in the second I made contact with him, my heart melted in to pieces. Everyone standing around me, my sister, my parents, and my friends (who had found their way into the house) all became a blur and soon after disappeared. All sorts of emotions ran through me and I was speechless in that moment.
His tiny body was bundled in a soft blanket that had little yellow ducks on it. His warm body fit perfectly in my arms as he lay there. I leaned in to kiss him and inhaled his baby scent. 
It brought a smile to my face. I gently pressed my lips to his soft check. He moved his head a little, but quickly returned to his peaceful slumber. Then I brought his little head, full of satin soft, light brown hair to mine and swayed him back and forth in my arms whispering, “I love you.”
It’s interesting how a person can love someone so deeply after only being introduced. All was peaceful in those few minutes and life made more sense and had greater meaning that particular day. It was a moment I’ll never forget, the time that I met my dear little, Jace.
2 comments:
When I was a child, our family lived in New Mexico, so I can relate to your love for the Land of Enchantment. Even more, I can relate to the love you feel for your nephew. I like the focus and pure feeling of the memory monologue. The purpose is clear, and every detail contributes to the narrative. Could some of the details be more original in your choice of words? Some of your diction includes stock phrases that readers have heard many times. Try to identify such phrases and replace them with language as fresh as your new baby nephew.
I like that you have the perspective of an aunt in this narrative. We often hear this idea from the parents--that you love someone so much after just being introduced--and it's nice to see it from a new angle. I agree with Dr. Hallen: make your writing as fresh as your nephew.
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