It feels nice to have the sun shine right onto my face. Looking directly at the sun through closed lids allows the sunshine to fill me up from head to toe. Its like drinking something warm after being cold for awhile. The heat doesn't bother me because its softer than if i had my eyes open. I can only feel the sun this way if my eyes are closed. This is the way things should be right now.
Being outside in the sunshine is one of the easiest ways to relax that i know of. This only works, however, when i am still or when i am moving very slowly. I need to unwind from the stress of studying under florescent lights and let the sun fill me up so that there is no room for anything else. Even if i am busy and stressed right before and right after this moment, for now i am not. For now i am as i should be.
I see trees with my eyes but they are more beautiful to me when i let my ears do the work. They rustle and sway with quietness that is not easily noticed. Hearing a tree is hard to do unless you take a moment, like this one, and let yourself do it. It is one of the most soothing, familiar sounds i know, simply because it is one of the most natural.
Feeling sun and hearing trees helps me let go, if even for a moment, of the stressful, constant noise of life. There is always so much to do, but not now. This moment is mine, it can only happen to me, right here, right now. And even after my body leaves, my mind can come back here anytime it wants.
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4 comments:
Your language has the power to carry me right into the present of the experience you are recording. I saw and heard the trees. I like the composition -- this piece works as a whole, even though it is short. I especially like the ending, the assertion that you can return to this place in your mind as well as in the verbal description. You seem to have confidence as a writer. What would happen if you morphed this into a poem? Is this part of a larger theme or experience? Keep writing. I hope that you will make comments on the writings of other class members.
Simple but powerful words, short and concise but well thought. Even though there might always room for revisions, it is still good enough to leave it in this way, except for a very few spelling technicalities that may be easily corrected at the first attempt.
I also agree that the last sentence is the more powerful in communicating ideas and feelings. It is like the grand finale to your composition. It coulndt be better.
Ahh, nothing like sunshine! You made me want to find a patch of sun and bask in it. Great thoughts. A few spelling errors that can be fixed easy. Simple yet clear language which is great. You may want to try describing more rather than telling all (the 'show don't tell' idea) and see where this goes. Good stuff!
Great, simple imagery. It was powerfully simple. It made me want to get away from these harsh florescent lights and sit in the sunshine. I wish you had showed me more about letting the sun fill you up and hearing the sound of trees. These, I thought, were original and interesting ideas that I would like to be shown more about.
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