Those two towers that on that day collapsed
Left many a valiant soul depressed;
Stamped out by storm of day brought thunder
To send many valiant souls asunder.
How will their memories we carry through
So trialous a time of heart thronging years.
Their illustrious lives stamped out by death
must live on in our hears, and minds, and souls.
At a time when courage tried is hardest,
One must stand with valiance all the brighter.
For mourning is not just passing of years,
But time for hope and courage through the tears.
For from the sod of tragic place of loss,
Grows new hope and courage from the dross
3 comments:
I can identify with the sense of loss and determination you have expressed. I like the lyric genre for controlling the pathos of this topic. You almost have enough syllables in each line to make a perfect sonnet. Revise the diction to make 10 syllables per line. Combine the clauses of the last 4 lines into two 10-syllable lines, so that you will have exactly 14 lines. The order of the sonnet form will soothe and comfort and control the harrowing sense of loss and grief.
I like your use of questions. That day was full of questions for everyone, and your poem captures their essence. I think poetry has a calming effect that is sometimes lacking in prose; good choice of genre.
The sonnet form works to gather the energy. The word "trialous" seems a bit strange as a neologism in such a somber text. Also, check your punctuation for consistency, at the end of lines, verses, etc.
Post a Comment