Memorial Service for Mary Ellen Ryder

6 September 2008 * Boise State University Student Union Building

When I arrived at the Student Union, I saw signs that directed people upstairs for Mary Ellen’s memorial. A large meeting room was arranged to accommodate several hundred people. Greeters at a welcome table gave us a program, a copy of the obituary text, and the lyrics to the “Circle Game” by Joni Mitchell. On the right hand of the room, there was a table with pens and cards to write down memories of Mary Ellen for the family. There was a good-sized panel with various photographs, from childhood to the present, including a summer 2005 picture of Mary Ellen and her husband Peter eating a dessert together in the Lakes District. Especially lovely was a 1983 wedding photograph of Mary Ellen playing a love song on her guitar for Peter, with a long white renaissance dress and a garland of white flowers in her hair.

Each corner in the front of the room had a large video screen, showing photos and descriptors of Mary Ellen, as prepared by some of her students. The descriptors included: CHEERLEADER, EFFERVESCENT, COLLEAGUE, DARK CHOCOLATE, STRAIGHT UP ADVICE, DARE, COURAGEOUS, MEMORABLE, TEACHER, IMPRESSIVE, ACCEPTING, OPEN, SPIRITUAL, ARTIST, GUITARIST, JUST AMAZING, BELIEVED IN ME, EYE OPENING, EMPOWERING, BROUGHT OUT THE BEST IN OTHERS, LIFE CHANGING RELATIONSHIP, FRIEND. The background music for the DVD reminded me of songs from the National Trust CD’s that I heard in the Lake District. When it was time to begin, a former student dressed in full kilt gear called the meeting to order by playing “Highland Cathedral” on the bagpipes. He had tried to call the family to volunteer his services, but unable to reach them, he just showed up, ready to do his part.

Previous to my July 2008 departure for the Poetics & Linguistics Association conference (PALA) in Sheffield, England, a renaissance madrigal had come into my mind. I found myself singing “April Is in My Mistress Face,” a Thomas Morley song from a music appreciation course that I studied years before in college. After my arrival in Sheffield, I decided to visit the conference room scheduled for my presentation that Friday afternoon, but the room was not empty. My friend Beatrix was practicing “April Is in My Mistress Face” with PALA members Lesley, Michael, and Mary Ellen. Mary Ellen was singing the tenor part so that Beatrix could sing the soprano part. They were preparing for an after-dinner performance at the PALA banquet on Saturday night. The blend of voices was pleasant, and the group members kindly allowed me to practice with them that day and on the following day, even though I would not be attending the banquet. I am very grateful that they let me join their song; otherwise, I would never have gotten to know Mary Ellen.



On Tuesday, 26 August, PALA President Lesley Jeffries sent an email, with details of Mary Ellen’s tragic death the night before. On Monday evening, 25 August 2008, Mary Ellen lost her life when a wildfire consumed five homes in her southeast Boise neighborhood. Mary Ellen’s husband Peter survived the fire but suffered the loss of his beloved spouse and all of their earthly belongings. Family, friends, and colleagues were stunned with shock and grief. I wrote a mimesis of the “April” madrigal to express condolences:

BOISE (To Mary Ellen Ryder, 1952-2008)

April was in our singer’s word,
And Júly in her voice we heard.
Now in August, we remember,
And in our heart, blue September.

I walked from the hotel to campus in the bright Saturday morning sunlight. I walked by the lovely paths along the Boise River, past the football stadium, to the BSU Student Union. I did not know who anyone was when I arrived at 9:45 a.m. in the room designated for the memorial. I found a seat on the back row, where I would be able to easily observe and record the details of the service. Then I got up and introduced myself to Jennie Hansen, who was sitting on the front row with her husband, her father, and other close friends of the Ryder family. Jennie is now teaching several of Mary Ellen’s classes. She told how Mary Ellen had mentored and helped her find her career in language studies. She would like to find a Ph.D. program, perhaps one in England, to complete her credentials. During the service, her husband John played and sang “The Riddle” by Robert Hunter and Jerry Garcia. Her father Gary Gilman welcomed me as a fellow graduate of Brigham Young University.

Then Christine Hathwell introduced herself and Mary Ellen’s husband Peter. Peter graciously remembered seeing me at the 2005 PALA conference in Huddersfield, England, maybe because I performed “The Lion and Albert” at that banquet that year. Christine was the first speaker for the memorial after the Invocation by the Reverend Sandi McFadden and the welcome by BSU English Department Chair Michelle Payne. Christine spoke of the many years that she and Mary Ellen had been colleagues and office mates at BSU. She informed us about Mary Ellen’s courage as a two-time survivor of breast cancer. She told us about the recent diagnosis of cancer in Mary Ellen’s tear duct. She read Mary Ellen’s last email to her sister Elizabeth: “My dearest sister. Let us be as hopeful as we can . . . We are blessed that there is no unfinished business between us.”

How brave people are in the face of unspeakable loss. The generosity and vibrancy of Mary Ellen’s spirit seemed to cushion and comfort all of us present.